Inching Near

Over the last few weeks I wondered why I was tense all the time, and how come I think so much? I don't remember thinking so much but then again maybe all those thoughts have been lost due to all the over whelming new thoughts? Possible, but my main focus right know everyday several times a day is to understand what sent me into over drive with my thoughts about random unnecessary draining thoughts.


I miss those quiet moments and moments I could just be, doing everything without worry or thought and just enjoy it. Is it apart of getting older? A sickness? I feel it's a little madness and not the good kind, alittle Mad Hatter on Alice in Wonderland, but lets take it to another step and say the one in the new Alice In Wonderland w/ Johnny Depp. My husbands says to me this weekend during a conversation "whoo what? honey one conversation at a time" Am I coming or going? Ha poor guy, I literally carry on several conversations with you him or me at one time. Expectations I think play a huge role in the thought invasion. Expectations on myself, from others, and here's the kicker what I think others expect of me. And if I fail apart of it I like to quit and day dream about doing it right. I'm most unforgiving to myself and it's damaging. I can do better and I truly know that so I punish myself with not getting to finish accomplishments when I slack off and don't complete when my first deadline appears. It's very traumatic sometimes. And I'm sure I 'm damaging myself.


SO, I'm stuck right know right there. I don't wanna sit in my thoughts and I really don't want my thoughts sitting on me anymore. I start my personal challenge today, I stop carrying everything with me. I drop all expectations or rather the "what I think expectations" I have a goal list and I will just move my date as MK says when I don't finish when I thought and keep moving.


So day #1 challenge - throw away everything that you don't need, keep nothing that has a "might" need, use or do something with someday.

I will be gentle with myself, non judgemental and forgiving. And I will define my true value simple and true as it is.