Just do what's Right

It’s been a rough week I’ll have to say. And it’s not even close to being over, matter of fact it just started. Yesterday was the longest day yet. I got nothing I wanted accomplished, went to bed to late (apparently not doing things I needed to do) Woke up wrong (trying to get right) I hurt all over, feel a little sickly, and my list is growing of things to do continuing from yesterday (if you didn’t know it was Monday). I want to try to stay positive here, because I do have a long week ahead. And I look forward to Girls Poker Night Friday!! Something I plan on doing at least once a month from here on out with special friends (and a few new ones here and there).
I wanted to continue the #2 thing I learned last weekend. – Being Honest no matter what – that seems to be the hardest for a lot of folks. Putting yourself in check before your mouth even opens takes practice. It does go with the emotion part I spoke of before, and it fits in 2 ways. The first one is if you’re emotionally attached to something you usually speak the truth or rather belt it out. And the second one is you get too emotional with it and start forgetting who you are, where you are and who you are talking to. Therefore you start saying things before thinking about it. And I think I’ll add one more here – you are self centered and don’t care how you come off to others and only about making your self feel good. 2 outta three of these I already new and 1 I learned this pass week (well I really did know I just learn more about it and still stuns me every time) Starting with…..

Honesty: fairness and straightforwardness, uprightness (not up righteous), sincerity, frankness, freedom from deceit or fraud, refusal to lie, steal or deceive in anyway.
Lots of people know some of these, and some you probably never thought of. As a person you should WANT to uphold these things. It takes you to better places, in life, in spirit, in love, and with GOD. Something my mother always said to me and still says. “Just do what’s right”. I’ve heard people ask how do you know what’s right, well what does your conciseness tell you? What does your gut tell you? Do you have morals or values? Manners? It’s not what your emotions what you to do. We can be emotional about something, we want to react a certain way forgetting what we should really be doing. We don’t know someone else’s story, why they may be a certain way, why they might do something. We may only know what they have just done and it has struck a nerve with us. So we want to belt out the truth the truth we know. Offending before we know their truth. So what do you do? “do what’s right”!!!!! Hold your breath (or breathe slowly for a minute) collect yourself; collect your thoughts and your emotions. How do you want to be talked to? How do you want to be taken care of? And how do you want someone to help you or handle you? Give them the truth but be gentle, help them see the truth for them and don’t attack them with yours. So it goes back to do unto others as they would to you. Hard sometimes, I’ll admit. I’ve often wanted to poke someone in the eye for doing or saying what they did. Prime example and second point: I need to fill a antibiotic and there is some confusion with my rebate card. I’m pretty irritated and confused and well done right getting mad I’ve been to two different places talked to several people on the phone, and there’s some I don’t care attitudes. Lady ask me if that’s what I wanted to do. Instead of acting a fool which I wanted to do because I was so mad. I simply said, “can you give me a minute I’m pretty upset right know” she said “okay and walked away” as did I. Once my guts stop burning I walked back to talk to her. It’s not her fault that prescriptions cost so much, it’s not her fault insurance isn’t what it use to be. And it isn’t here fault the people at the rebate discount card didn’t explain everything upfront! So I had no business being rude to her, that’s the honest ness of it. Saying “hey I’m upset can you hold on a moment!” However the attitude of two different stores same pharmacy seemed to not really want to explain everything to me and just say “that’s that”. Which is whole another story about customer service and the there lack of it. Even from the time I was in high school till now what a change!!

Or how about when someone communicates with you and you get tied up and forget. Don’t make excuses. Everyone is busy too!! I may not have little ones yet but there are weeks I can’t or don’t get to sit down till its bed time and I’m late for it. Which, means I forgot to call you back or answer your question. So it may be a day or so, when it pops in my head and I remember. But I’ll remember and get back to you. So if that happens to you it’s okay I ‘ll understand! But please be honest and just say I forgot I’m sorry. We often forget that something might be going on with others we just assume they are being rude. (me too sometimes but this is part of the learning) But I’ll say if I never get a response and then I get a chew down for not answering you back quickly. I’ll be a bit frazzled about it. I don’t do things in spite of. EVER! It’s not right, and although I would like to just ignore you or do something ugly. I don’t “just do what’s right” NO MATTER WHAT!! That’s what I was taught, so I’ll answer you in a days time when I’ve taken my breath and thought of the mature way to respond.

That’s both, too emotional, forgetting what reality is and stopping before hand. So the lucky one I threw in there goes along with all of these. This last one might seem the same and in ways it is. BUT! There’s a point here I need to point out.

Honestly verse Selfish Honesty:What a combination huh!?! It continues to stun me even though I run into it all the time. I usually can’t come to any conclusions about it, why it’s happening or even just plain comprehend it. Here I think of part of the definition freedom from deceit or fraud. I hear people talk about what they want, and I see in some of their actions them trying to do what they say they want. But I also witness the true actions. The ones you don’t think you are doing. People who know you see them. I do want the best for you and I do want you to reach for higher things. I want to believe you and what you are trying to accomplish. But…………..I don’t see your integrity in it; I don’t see you being honest. And it’s saddens me. Many questions where brought to my attention and it was good to get a new voice on the subject. But the more the conversation went on, I realized they felt the same way. I was not alone in thinking this was not okay nor was it HONEST, TRUE or done with GOOD INTENTIONS.

What do you say to something like that? That has been a battle. It stuns me every time. Because I see things (right and wrong) as things that mold who I am, where I am, where I am going and what others will follow. So when someone changes in such a way and I don’t see the honest ness of it, but rather a hidden motive. A lot of emotions run threw me. I don’t understand why you would want to hide behind something just because your selfish desires, it also hurts that you would turn still standing with me but know you have a cold shoulder towards me. I don’t see you being true, change is good changing your life for the better is good. It’s the part of not getting it honestly, not standing in it honestly, and not judging those who are not doing what you are doing.

Also, those who do not agree with something you have said or vice versa. We forget not to be selfish about it, we forget not to attack the other person because we disagree. Because we are being selfish with our truth. What we believe, that’s our truth. Sometimes it’s with people we love, people we are close to, people who are family. We pick fights because we cannot simple say “okay” or be calm and be respectful of their truth. Being Honest is okay, but a calm honest ness and a selfless response is often harder said then done. And here they all collide and our emotions step in taking over clouding our judgment, making us forget what the real issue is or the real conversation. We attack, the attack. And know we can’t communicate.

So I learned this week, or am learning to walk away from those who don’t hold their true, who are not honest. I will be here of course for them when they need and I will be honest to them about what ever it is. But I cannot let their choices bring me down, hold me in place. It takes an emotional, mental and physical toll on me. I wear my heart on my shoulders and people pick at it. I have a hard time saying “no” even when it s best for me or my family to say “no”. I will tell you calmly my truth or at least try and then I will walk away. I will give you the best knowledge and tools I have to understand me, you don’t have to agree, but at least understand me. When I was slapped with this cold hard ugly truth these past weeks I realized it’s okay to be honest about that and step away. Pray for them, and hope that their selfish ness changes and they can be honest so they can uphold their new found truth, integrity and freedom. And I hope you can accept all around you, even if you don’t agree. Treat them with the same respect. I’m doing my best!

Love Sprinkles

Something’s I have been dying to write about that have happened lately. But after mulling the conversations over in my head, I realized that it’s probably not best if I actually put them on here. Which stinks, because I think they have good lessons in them. I struggle everyday with doing what’s best (what your suppose to do) and what I’d like to do. Reacting to situations is hard, and most of the time we react before thinking about it. Running on our emotions! Emotions are strong and vicious sometimes. Over powering our knowing of what’s right in our conscious. And I’ll be honest here; sometimes I forget that and don’t do the right thing. I’m not proud of that, we shouldn’t be proud of anything period. So I thought I could talk about what I learned and what I’d like to keep trying to hold true to my everyday life.


First, our emotions. They are powerful and overwhelming; they can take over clouding our judgment in anything. We also take offense if someone does something that we don’t agree with. Or says something we that we don't like and become cold towards them forgetting that just like we are allowed to feel that way, they are allowed to not think like we do. We don’t always understand it, and we don’t always want to be okay with it. We WANT to change their minds. Because ultimately we think they are wrong. When in reality they could still be right in their own sorta way. Seeing the situation in a different view causing what they believe to be right. If we hold our breath for a minute and then ask them why they believe that, we could learn something. It might even settle our stomachs. We shouldn’t be offended because they believe differently; it’s like when you’re married. You and your husband will not always see eye to eye. Sometimes we agree to disagree. And the final words being. “Okay” those four letters do not mean “okay” I agree. They mean that’s fine, if that’s what you say, alright conversation over, okay I ‘m fine with what you believe but I still don’t believe that. And finally “will see bout that”, ha-ha which with my husband usually means that. Not because I think I’m right, because I’m not always. But we usually have to wait for something to happen to find our answer on who’s right. And the best part that cracks me up is when we both end up being right. Laughing at ourselves and saying “hmmm”. It’s not about being right or wrong, really I have to clarify that. Our “will see bout that’s” are usually about whether the actions. Ex: we pass something with a price I say it’s something he says it’s something. Finally we say nothing (that’s our “will see bout that”) and when we pass one of us will say “oh it’s .......; you were right”…..and then that’s it there isn’t any gloating about it, there isn’t any “ewe I was right” we don’t rub it in each other’s face. Although, a joke has been made- team amylynn 4 team Scott 1. Ha-ha but honestly it’s silly and I appreciate that neither one of us holds it over the other, because that can be hurtful. We should have the same wanting with other folks like we do with our husbands. We want to make them happy we want to not fight with them, we want to have their approval, and fore most we try our hardest every day to make sure we try to understand them and our relationship. So for all relationships with people your level of eagerness should be the same. Well that’s what I believe anyways. “Love Sprinkle everyone you meet with LOVE or something they need that would mean love for them, even if it’s only for a moment, or something they can carry with them forever.

Summer's Here

I've been hit hard this year with the summer heat stick! Although, I live in Texas and every year is hot. This year seems to be taking more of my breath away then any other I can remember. And every year seems to be the worst I've ever experienced. (I"m not entirely sure that's true) I can't say whether it's the actual weather or me getting older. (1 vote for getting old) It also seemed to sneak up on us this year, going from one minute not sure whether to plant our garden yet to "great it's too hot" it really did change just like that. Matter of fact one day it was in the 50's and two days later 80's. So I don't know for sure if our garden will be worth the money and time we spent in it this year. I keep praying will be able to get something out of it.

We also went fishing this weekend which ended up not so great, we came home with 1 fish! How's that?!?! But let me tell you the story of how we got this one fish!

First Scott has wanted to fish for several weeks now, but due mostly to high winds we haven' t made it out there yet. So finally it's calmer and we decide to go Sunday morning. He wakes me up at 2:45 am, I throw myself in clothes jump in the front seat and slowly wake up. We grab our breakfast and hit the road for our...........2 HOUR trip to the lake of his choosing. I took a pillow just in case!

Being that's it's that early and we are pulling a boat, I really have a hard time falling back asleep. Even though the vibration of the car clearly makes me want too. The pure and over whelming anxious feeling and alittle bit of fear makes me stay awake. Not that I don't trust him driving, but it is however 2:45 in the morning! People are crazy drivers!!

We get all the way to Terrell, I remember looking at the speed sign and then over to our speed. Not 2 minutes later he is saying we are getting pulled over. I'm like " really? for real" he says "yep!"
goodness gracious, so the cop comes up and asks for his info and says "where are you coming from?" ...."waxahachie" the officer says "where?" oh I almost laughed out loud not because he didn't know where it was or wondered himself if he had heard something wrong. But because if you knew how many times I've heard someone say that you would laugh too. FOLKS who even live very close to our town have said "where?" So I'm amused! "He says do you know the reason I pulled you over?" silly question if you ask me. So he proceeds to tell us the trailer lights on the boat are not working. OH, and by the way your license plate is hanging wrong.......and do you know how fast you were going? Of course he says no. Office says, and I quote! "speed limit was 35, and you were going 60, were you aware of that?" I'm sitting in passenger seat and I"m not sure if he saw me or not, but I made a face frowned and thought was the officer sleeping? or crazy? I don't like pompous cops, and I don't like ones who stretch truths just to see what you'll say. And who argues with the cop usually gets in more trouble, so they stomp on you because they can! He leaves comes back says "go ahead and step out of vehicle."
PEOPLE, I thought I was going to have a hard attack!!! I thought surly they are not arresting him for something. He has already fibbed about the speed what's he trying to get Scott on now??? And that's about the time I noticed the second cop car. WHAT!!! They called back up. Look I'm not one to get pulled over, and if I do it's usually something small, and several several years apart. (Knock on wood I don't get pulled over today now that I've said that!) But it seems like the attitude of cops stinks! Sure they need to be cautious I get that, but do they have to sound so stinking ugly? Can they not just be stern? I want to pee my pants nearly everytime I've ever been pulled over and my heart usually jams up into my throat and my guts are on fire. It's just not a pretty sight to be honest.
I twiddle my thumbs, take small sips of my coffee move couple things check the side mirror couple times. FINALLY he comes back to the truck gets in says "we can't leave til we fix the lights"

WHAT?? as I see the two cops take off in different directions leaving us there off on a side road in the dark. HOW are we going to fix this? No store is open!! So we spend the next what seemed like even longer minutes (in reality it prob wasn't that long) while he tried to figure out why they weren't working. Once he did Scott jumps in the truck and says "he didn't say anything bout both sides did he?" OH, I laughed again, for some reason one side wouldn't work. We head off back on the road to the lake and I say "I don't know what he meant but hurry up and get outta here, and don't speed" HAHA! And just to note, Scott was not going 60 miles in a 35! He got a verbal warning. And again it justifies my saying they say what they want to see what you'll say.

We get to the lake finally and we pay our fee to the envelope box. Because the park is not really open, but they have it so you can self pay if no ones in the office. We drive up to the gate........................it's locked!
I'm like unbelievable! So Scott's drives back around thinking maybe there's a code up on the board where you pay, and another car drives up. They talk, come to find out this park (and the only one I know of) doesn't open the gate til 7am. If you are camping you get the code, or if you have a year pass. UGH! I say "what??? I could of sleep for an hour and half longer!!!" So we pull up behind the other car back at the gate. Shortly after a car comes up. We are thinking sweet! Let us in, thank you. We've got to get some shad before the sun comes up.

Guy pulls up unlocks the gate pulls one side open truck and boat pull threw guy moves the gate shut. "I"m like "HEY"! are you going to say something to him? "HEY"!! "WHAT in the world, let us in!!!!" the guy in front of us is talking to him too. MEAN man says "if you want the code you should get a year pass"
WHAT you big old' mean man? For real, you couldn't let two people in after they have paid? who are fishing too? Just like you?
I was talking out loud at this point, I said Mr Karma is not so nice!! I'm going to pee on your tires!
(not literally as if I could anyways) but I was so mad that he would be such a poo head AND never would look up at any of us in the eyes. Just rude!
So we settle back in our spot cause who knows when the next person is going to come. Finally someone comes, and it's another fisher. He pulls up next to us Scott rolls the window down and says "you waiting on the ranger?" Scott says " for someone to open" Man "you got a pass" Scott "no, we paid the self pay up there and got down here to find the gate locked" Man "oh, okay" and he drives forward........?????? what's that mean? make yourself clear please? He pulls up to guy infront of us, apparently asking the same. A younger guys gets out unlocks the gate and pulls both sides open all the way and locks them into place, gets in truck and drives off! "HE HAS OPENED THE GATES FOR US" just as the sun is starting to peak over the horizon.
We get to the docks load up get into the water, catch a very few shad and head off to fish. Following the places we should be, we find tons of other boaters already posting up. We sit for 2 hours and get nothing. Not to mention the minute we hit the water I felt sick! I dont' get sea sick, but for some reason I was feeling not so great. I went back and forward in my head "oh I'm fine I"m not going to throw up----Oh I'm about to throw up"! It was not good! Finally we got to a place and Scott caught a fish, I said "honey I think you need to measure him" so we did and sure enough we had to throw it back, but about 30 minute later he got "THE FISH" ewww he is fat! So I said okay if you get another bit I'm changing my rod. Sure enough he got a a bite but the fish managed to get off before he pulled it in! SO, I reel up and throw in.......Nothing! Then I get some bumps and before ya know it stinking fish steals my bait! Next my hook, Next my hook bait and weight! UGH, I'm done, I wasn't feeling good So I went and laid down underneath. We finished up shortly after drove round little bit ended up jumping in for a minute to cool off and we headed home. With 1 fat fish! Amazing huh, what a trip!

I was born a blonde- I’m a brunette

Ever wake up and feel good about the day, wondering what will be the excitement to capture you?
No, I usually wake thinking uh, why did I wake up!!?!! And as I drag my feet to the back door to let the dogs out I start thinking, MMmmm it’d be nice if I discovered it’s Sat morning instead J. And as I pull my cloths on I pause for a moment “do I feel okay enough to go to work, am I getting sick?” ……Oh I think not! But what wishful thinking I could stay home and not drudge threw an 1 ½hrs of traffic. Sometimes I wake up way to late because the snooze button is easier to hit then getting up. Sooo late and out of it, I have even put my underwear on backwards. (And I don’t mean inside out) I’m a grown women so it’s about time I wake up like all other grown ups with a full time job, right?

When I posted a comment about just that, many responses came in with "good luck with that". Amazingly I realized I’m not a lazy grown up when it comes to getting up in the morning! Good news to myself criticizing brain!!

I spend a lot of time in my head, maybe a little too much. Thinking about things, day dreaming about things, and a lot of over thinking things, and usually I’m talking myself down from the tree. Not only do I have expectations of myself I have them on every individual I pass by in my day to day along with people close to me. It’s often shattered because apparently others do not hold such high standards or values or morals. I give thanks sometimes and yell out other times with sadness that I was taught these things. I often question whether or not I’m being judgmental or actually holding values and common courtesy? My sweet mother would tell me “no, your right, they should not have done that” or “obviously they don’t care” and she will reassure me that I did the right thing. But, I still wonder who is right, or does it even matter anymore. My sister often asks me they same questions, what the proper way is to respond to someone or what to do in a situation. But last night I found myself having to ask her the same question she often asks me. Amazing we can’t help ourselves but we can surely fix others issues with wonderful philosophical answers.

So this morning I’m in a daze, and one of the men at work comes and asks me for something as I’m in the middle of something and I reach with my non occupied hand and search for what he wants only to see a paper I thought was it and realize he said “gas” I look up and say “what did you need” he tells me again. I laugh (at myself) although I don’t think he thought it was funny mostly because he wasn’t in my head hearing me talk. And when he finish telling me again he said “got it”………….I laughed “ha-ha yeah” I mostly wanted to stick my tongue out wiggle my fingers in my hair and sing "la la la lee la lee la lee la la"

I’m thinking they think I’m blonde. And I’m pretty sure I play it well enough that I fool myself sometimes!! See what they don’t know is I get all wrapped up in my head and it sort of becomes a trance, so if you say something to me it’s not that I don’t hear you….okay I don’t really I only hear parts of what you say. But only because the conversation going on in my head keeps rolling even though I try very hard to listen to you.

Which made me think and prompted this entry, I think a lot of folks think I’m not getting things. I walk around with a blank face (because I’m really somewhere far away), and often times leave a project in the middle of it because I’ve just thought of something else. I also read way to fast, last night someone sent me a message and I thought she said her “nana got arrested” well it was her “nanny”….besides that’s a whole nother story. It was really funny when I thought it was her “nana.” I laugh out loud at myself a lot, and I mean “A LOT”! My husband asks me all the time. “You telling jokes to yourself over there?”

If I could share what this little brain of mine thinks up all the time, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be as funny to others. I‘ve even laughed the ugly laugh out loud in my car……by myself, thinking about something funny. And I catch myself saying “you know I was born a blonde right?” I’ve got to stop saying that, over the last 2 years I’ve said that more then anytime in my entire life. Is it the age getting to me? Is it the urge to not be in this place called work that makes me act out of it? Which ever it is, I’m really not a blonde! I just like to think of funny things, laugh at myself, and think of the funny things people say and do but sometimes don’t realize it. Makes my days better, makes the ugliness I see better and makes others laugh. So while I won’t guarantee I won’t say that phrase again, I’ll guarantee I’ll do something silly again. Or you can be like me and laugh at me when you see me talking to myself in my car going down the road.