I was born a blonde- I’m a brunette

Ever wake up and feel good about the day, wondering what will be the excitement to capture you?
No, I usually wake thinking uh, why did I wake up!!?!! And as I drag my feet to the back door to let the dogs out I start thinking, MMmmm it’d be nice if I discovered it’s Sat morning instead J. And as I pull my cloths on I pause for a moment “do I feel okay enough to go to work, am I getting sick?” ……Oh I think not! But what wishful thinking I could stay home and not drudge threw an 1 ½hrs of traffic. Sometimes I wake up way to late because the snooze button is easier to hit then getting up. Sooo late and out of it, I have even put my underwear on backwards. (And I don’t mean inside out) I’m a grown women so it’s about time I wake up like all other grown ups with a full time job, right?

When I posted a comment about just that, many responses came in with "good luck with that". Amazingly I realized I’m not a lazy grown up when it comes to getting up in the morning! Good news to myself criticizing brain!!

I spend a lot of time in my head, maybe a little too much. Thinking about things, day dreaming about things, and a lot of over thinking things, and usually I’m talking myself down from the tree. Not only do I have expectations of myself I have them on every individual I pass by in my day to day along with people close to me. It’s often shattered because apparently others do not hold such high standards or values or morals. I give thanks sometimes and yell out other times with sadness that I was taught these things. I often question whether or not I’m being judgmental or actually holding values and common courtesy? My sweet mother would tell me “no, your right, they should not have done that” or “obviously they don’t care” and she will reassure me that I did the right thing. But, I still wonder who is right, or does it even matter anymore. My sister often asks me they same questions, what the proper way is to respond to someone or what to do in a situation. But last night I found myself having to ask her the same question she often asks me. Amazing we can’t help ourselves but we can surely fix others issues with wonderful philosophical answers.

So this morning I’m in a daze, and one of the men at work comes and asks me for something as I’m in the middle of something and I reach with my non occupied hand and search for what he wants only to see a paper I thought was it and realize he said “gas” I look up and say “what did you need” he tells me again. I laugh (at myself) although I don’t think he thought it was funny mostly because he wasn’t in my head hearing me talk. And when he finish telling me again he said “got it”………….I laughed “ha-ha yeah” I mostly wanted to stick my tongue out wiggle my fingers in my hair and sing "la la la lee la lee la lee la la"

I’m thinking they think I’m blonde. And I’m pretty sure I play it well enough that I fool myself sometimes!! See what they don’t know is I get all wrapped up in my head and it sort of becomes a trance, so if you say something to me it’s not that I don’t hear you….okay I don’t really I only hear parts of what you say. But only because the conversation going on in my head keeps rolling even though I try very hard to listen to you.

Which made me think and prompted this entry, I think a lot of folks think I’m not getting things. I walk around with a blank face (because I’m really somewhere far away), and often times leave a project in the middle of it because I’ve just thought of something else. I also read way to fast, last night someone sent me a message and I thought she said her “nana got arrested” well it was her “nanny”….besides that’s a whole nother story. It was really funny when I thought it was her “nana.” I laugh out loud at myself a lot, and I mean “A LOT”! My husband asks me all the time. “You telling jokes to yourself over there?”

If I could share what this little brain of mine thinks up all the time, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be as funny to others. I‘ve even laughed the ugly laugh out loud in my car……by myself, thinking about something funny. And I catch myself saying “you know I was born a blonde right?” I’ve got to stop saying that, over the last 2 years I’ve said that more then anytime in my entire life. Is it the age getting to me? Is it the urge to not be in this place called work that makes me act out of it? Which ever it is, I’m really not a blonde! I just like to think of funny things, laugh at myself, and think of the funny things people say and do but sometimes don’t realize it. Makes my days better, makes the ugliness I see better and makes others laugh. So while I won’t guarantee I won’t say that phrase again, I’ll guarantee I’ll do something silly again. Or you can be like me and laugh at me when you see me talking to myself in my car going down the road.